I saw something new in myself since we moved in to the apartment. Well, not new in me, I guess... but a different perspective for sure. I can be a bitch. Not so much in the things I say but in the way I am. We'd been here two full days and he could do nothing right. I didn't yell or scold but in my head I was constantly mad at him for not being the way I expected or wanted. And, although I kept the words inside for the most part, I'm sure the energy of discontent was being translated.
That's not how I want to be, how I want to feel. It's too much work to be pissed off all the time. Where does it get me? Yes, I've been stressed and frustrated about my money situation and the fact that no one will FUCKing hire me for some reason. But that's not his fault. Yes, everything in this place is his because everything I own is still at Debra's. But that's not his fault. Yes, we have different ideas of where things should go and how to decorate. But that's not his fault. He has a much of a right as me to make this into a place where he can be comfortable.
It's frustrating living with someone. It's frustrating living with him. He's not affectionate - although he thinks he is, which means he's probably much more affectionate with me than he's been in the past. And I don't want someone pawing all over me the way Rob did. We'll find our balance. We'll get there. This morning he came home from work and when he came to bed he wrapped himself around me and I thought "Yes! This is what I need, this makes a world of difference."
I like to think I'm easy to please. And I will be much easier to get along with. I just need to work out some of the bugs from previous administration. We'll get there.
