I wrote this about Rob earlier and saved it in my drafts because I wanted to mull it over before I posted it. I think I will post it but, it occurs to me that immediately after I say I'm not going to stoop to his level I, in fact, stoop to his level. So I'm going to post it without the paragraph that cuts him down. I still wanted to keep it here but the part that is coming out is in italics. Actually, I haven't decided yet. I'll get back to you.
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I've never been one to participate in trash talk. So when I find out that someone in particular is cutting me down for his own personal gain, it gets pretty frustrating. I want to tell my side of the story, I want to scream that the things he says are only a tiny piece of the puzzle, I want to ring his neck for seemingly being a good person but then turning around and shit speaking about me just because he didn't get his own way.
Maybe it is time for me to speak up and defend myself. Maybe people are mistaking my silence as an admission of guilt. Maybe those people have no idea that they are being conned into believing that he is a good person and acting out of hurt instead of trying to win their sympathy and pity that he was so wronged as to have loved someone who didn't love him back. And it bothers me that there was a time that I believed he was genuine, too. I'm not going to lower myself to his level, though. I know what went on between us, I know what was said, I know without a doubt that I always acted honestly and straight from the heart. It's terribly sad that he feels so little respect for himself that he needs to belittle others to get attention. But I don't play those games.
When I was attempting to let him down gently, I treated him with respect and did everything I could to remain true to myself and my own needs while trying to protect his feelings and his reputation. I told him it was my love for another that made me not want to be by his side but it was actually my dislike for him and the way he treated me. I don't spend time with people who step on my words when I'm trying to speak, who question my motives when I try to do good, who bow down and agree with everything I say even if that means recanting their own opinion, who won't even let me open a damn door for myself. I cannot respect a man who cowers and hides behind his mother's skirt and refuses to live his life because he's afraid of getting hurt when, in actual fact, he's the only one that is causing the damage. And I sure as hell don't want to spend my time with someone who constantly tries to pressure me into doing things I don't want to do, into feeling things I don't feel and who talks to me in the same stupid little baby voice that he uses on his dog.
It doesn't matter anymore. I'm living my life, I'm taking chances, I'm loving a man with everything I have because I know that he is worth my love more than anyone ever has been before. The fact that someone I used to know is delighting in playing the victim to my supposed villainy in inconsequential to me. The fact that he is receiving pity from people who demand that he was wronged even though they have no idea of what actually happened doesn't bother me in the least.
But the fact that he is spreading stories and rumours about someone I love seemingly for his own entertainment I do have a problem with. And, as much as I would delight in giving him a swift kick in the ass for knowingly acting like a dick and pretending he is some kind of victim just so that the people in his computer will say "oh, poor baby, that mean old woman gone done you wrong and you were completely helpless in the whole situation", I am going to walk way. He has caused me enough trouble... I'm not giving him another minute of my time... after this -- I've said it privately and now I'll say it publicly: get out of my life and stay out. That includes your trash talk, asshole.
