I was just thinking about how I'm not freaking out about this whole thing that's going on with Jeff today. There is a very real possibility that he is getting ready to dump me and I'm calm and going about my business. What about all the stuff from the past couple of months? Isn't this the man that I said I wanted to spend my life with? Am I okay with this? Is this even possibly something that I want?
The truth is, at this moment, I don't know. I mean, no, I want it to work out. I have a lot invested in this and it would be a devastating break. At the same time, if we break up over this, I'd rather do it now than later. I might feel like I have a my heart invested now but, damn, later would be a whole other ballgame. Also, if we can't make it through something this small, then we probably shouldn't be together.
Or maybe it's because I believe in us and I think what we have is big enough to weather this. Maybe I know we'll have bad times and we have to learn to get through them or it's not going to work anyway.
Maybe I'm a little numb. Maybe I know that there's no sense in worrying about something until there's something worth worrying about. Maybe I don't want to think about it anymore for a while.
