You know, I think I'm going to just have to let him flip out sometimes instead of doing all I can do to avoid it. That's what Mom does with Calvin and she made him into a monster. Jeff is already 10 times beyond what Calvin ever was... and, quite frankly, I don't want to live with that.
But I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to feel anymore pain than he already does. It comes at him from everywhere and I don't want to add to it. I do have to recognize, however, that I also can't take it all away. About 90% of his hurt comes from within him: his assumptions and expectations and over-reactions are all coming from somewhere inside. The rest of it is from his family, Ruby's mom, friends. I don't want to add to it, I don't want to be a source of his hurt.
It will be different when we're living together. Right now I get sensitive about him going on Tumblr but not texting me, I don't know whether I need to be with him or give him space. We are conducting this relationship through a wi-fi network. I'm not saying there won't be problems when we live together. I'm not that innocent - I know we will have new and probably bigger problems for a while. But these ones in particular will be gone.
I need to stop over-analyzing this. I need to move forward and do my best, I need to make adjustments along the way, I need to accept that I can't control everything. He is his own person, his life experience is a million miles away from my own -the good and the bad- and he is going to deal with things in his way. We are two separate people, together but still apart.
