He said - WFT

• I have never seen a Ryan Gosling movie. Somehow I feel okay with this, I feel like I can get through it okay.
• Goddamn it! I want Greek food and it’s all Bev’s fault. She mentioned how there is no Greek food in town. Now I want it.
• Still I want some Middle Eastern food and there is that in town. But I’d have to put my pants on.
• The documentary Being Elmo made me cry.
• I am now at an age in my life and a point in my parenthood that I really don’t have big dreams for myself. Now I dream about my kid. About what she might be and what she might do. 
• Whatever she does it better be good and pay well…She’s my retirement plan. Instead of RRSP and retirement savings, I pay child support and buy shit for her so she’ll keep liking me…Till she gets big and rich and buys me a nice house…Beside a lake, with a boat and a brick BBQ…And maybe a nice workshop for me to hang out in. Separate from the garage where I will store my classic GMC pick up truck. Just you know….Off the top of my head.
• Of course I could write something again….Someday…Something inspiring…Or funny. Or disheartening and depressing (I’ll work the emo crowd)…Maybe. But no one’s getting rich anymore writing good books. The only money is in shitty young adult lit. that grown women read and fawn over.
• Bev is giving me a good life. Making it calm and stable. And making me happy…The harpy! Blame her! It’s hard to be creative when there’s no great pain and angst. Unless you write shitty young adult lit. that grown women read and fawn over.
• Want to know something weird? I really want to watch the Harry Potter movies. I never have seen them. They actually look like they might be entertaining. But I have not got copies and I can’t justify spending the money to get them.
• We need furniture…Badly. My swinging bachelor shit just isn’t working anymore. But not using credit and having to save for every big purchase means it’s taking forever. Living room furniture, dinette, mattress and a new desk…The list goes on and on.
• Thinking of maybe getting a bicycle too. I think it might be fun. If it don’t kill me…I’m old and fragile now.
• It’s going to be hot for the rest of the week. At work it’s going to be painfully hot…I have to wear coveralls over my clothes. FAAAAWK! Of course they don’t say anything about what I wear under the coveralls…Maybe a Speedo and safety boots will be my play.
• And finally a real truth, no joke, no wiseass. I have never felt as at ease or like I really completely belonged in a relationship or in any place I ever lived for that matter, until I got to this place and this relationship. It’s a good and loved and loving place to be. Sometimes I wish I had of met her 20 years ago and saved myself 20 years of sad and lonely living searching for the thing I have now. But then again maybe it was those 20 years that taught me gratitude and to appreciate what it is I have now. Maybe that’s what the rough times really are good for (they are not good for much else) is they teach gratitude and gladness for the good things, the good people. And maybe it’s one of those universal lessons that life gives us over and over until we learn. Sadly some people never learn, some may even think they do, but they don’t and it’s sad and frustrating to watch.
• But I have learned, I am grateful and I do appreciate the woman and the child in my life I love them both with all I can. 
  
  And Bev should always know this. That I love her very, very much…And so does Ruby. Ruby is so honest with her heart and she shows love and affection only to those that matter to her and I know that she is with Bev like she is with no one else. She has let her inside.
  
  I have too.

Hot diggidy dog!

I'm in love. Even when he's irritating me or pissing me off. Love.

It's nice.