It's the weirdest thing. I mean, you constantly hear about it in fictional media and we grow up wanting to believe in the fairy tale of it. But, until you experience it first hand, it is only a concept.
I never feel more right than when he is next to me, I am never more at peace than when we share the same breathing space. Sure he drives me crazy sometimes, absolutely I piss him off frequently - it doesn't matter, it doesn't change anything. I want to be near him and, when I'm not, something feels slightly off kilter.
My whole life has been spent feeling most comfortable alone. I've been in relationships before but I wasn't in love as much as I was in love with being in love. I enjoyed the feeling of having a full heart but I rarely wanted to actually spend time with the person. In fact, most of my energy in relationships was spent trying to get away from them. Even with my family and platonic friendships, I liked togetherness sometimes but I didn't need it, I didn't crave it, most of the time I didn't even want it.
In the very early days of our relationship I wrote words that I didn't even completely understand at the time. All I knew was that he changed something in me, something inside my soul was present that hadn't existed before he came into my life. It's hard to put into words... I just felt right. He felt right. We felt right.
Believe it or not, I have never been a romantic person. I don't expect poetry and flowers, I don't long to look into another's eyes so that I can see myself reflected there kind of crap. I am a mature and independent woman; I am a free spirit who, until now, has been charting her own course through life. And if I were you and you were me and I was reading this stuff you had written about some guy you met on the internet? My eyes would roll back into my skull so far they'd probably completely rotate. Weirdo romantic fool who is living in some kind of fantasy land.
Oh, but when you live it? When you feel it? You know there can be no other way.
You
You lend me strength when I want to be weak.
You teach me compassion when I'm feeling indifferent.
You sing to me songs my heart has never heard.
You show me possibilities I was afraid to believe.
You help me understand the lessons of my past.
You give me hope for a million tomorrows.
You make me a better person, on the outside where it counts.
You lead me to myself.
You lead me to myself.
- written January 2011
