I feel a little better now. I threw up a couple of hours ago - the meat on that pizza did not agree with me at all.
Anyway, I guess the night in general was a major let down. I thought we'd have a few drinks, laugh, play a little, have some slightly kinkier sex, kiss for a change.
All he does is peck me. Sometimes I can't even feel his lips. But I'm not supposed to say anything negative, I'm not supposed to be all female and irrational. I don't know how to talk to him about this stuff. Maybe I just shouldn't. Maybe it won't even bother me tomorrow. Maybe, in time, he'll get more comfortable touching me. I don't know. It's beginning to be a bit of an issue for me, I think.
Blech.
Maybe I'm not cut out for this. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone. Maybe I was right way back then and I won't have any long term loves in my life. Although, I guess the tears in my eyes right now are proof that that's not really what I want.
I just want him to touch me sometimes, dammit. I want to be kissed and held and made to feel special. Will that ever happen or am I stuck on this one way street?
Time. What happens next?
