Oh, Beverly... you silly fool. Don't you see it? You know you're walking down a path you've gone down before; don't you think it would be wise to find a way around the ditch instead of throwing yourself into it again? You know there is another way now, you've done your due diligence, passed your training, mapped out a better route. Try going the new way and see if you can actually get where you want to go this time.
**
This morning I was thinking that I needed to pull back again, I hate the jealousy and irrational feelings I've been having for the last couple of days. I decided I would go to Barrie and ease into things as planned because this has progressed way further and faster than I intended. That's what always happens with us. Like he said, we try to empty the well all at once and that doesn't work in the long run.
But then I realized that I've been behaving in my old manner, desperate and unsure. I get so caught up in him that I lose myself. The problem with that is it's 'myself' that he's in love with. Why would he want to continue this relationship if I'm not the same person anymore? I've been on the other side of this now and I know the problems it can cause.
Jeff loves me. I don't doubt that. Not at all. I know he wants to be with me, I know he wants this to work out for us. So when I get caught up in all that other bullshit, all I'm doing is going in the direction of my old self-fulfilling prophecy. But that isn't my prophecy anymore. Now it is to build a life with Jeff. So I'm going to be myself - the woman he loves - and work on fulfilling that prophecy instead.
Go me.
