One of the most difficult times in life that few people seem to acknowledge is the moment when everything is falling into place. When dreams are being realized, hurdles are cleared and fairy tales are finally coming true.
That’s the moment we are the most vulnerable, it’s when the fall would be the greatest and cause the most damage.
And I think that’s when most mistakes are made. That’s when the seeds of future regrets are planted.
What is it that makes us expect and prepare for the worst instead of believing and looking for the best?
I have spent about 25 years making sure that I never really trusted or counted on anyone but myself. Who knows where it started but I trace it back to the moment I was so completely confident in someone. And he told me he didn’t want me anymore. And I laughed at the joke that wasn’t a joke at all.
The joke has been on me ever since.
I wonder how many relationships I have run from since that day, how many friendships have I ruined, how many potential loves have been lost. I wonder how much of this damage I have actually created all by myself while I was trying to protect myself from the possibility of being damaged.
Of course, my logical adult mind tells me it’s okay to have faith now. I am well aware that I can survive even the worst tragedy. But I guess it’s human nature to try to foresee and avoid the pain before it hits.
The real problem is this: what if the pain we think we are avoiding is actually pain we’ve been holding from our past? And how does one possibly let it go?
