And now we know why I keep these mental breakdowns to myself. I don't really feel that way. I mean, I did feel that way last night. After consuming a bottle of wine and some cider, after a shit day that started with an argument and ended with frustration with those fucking month end reports at work. After too many glances at the mirror, after sighs of exasperation and frustration, coupled with a nice bout of PMS and things exploded.
That's the way I do things. I think perhaps I let it boil up too much, I think I have a lot of shit not going right in my world currently but I also think that I need to not beat myself up about feeling not amazingly perfect at every moment. Things could be better, things could be worse, things are what they are. I need to fix what I'm able and willing to fix and find a way to accept everything else. Or at lease accept that life is a work in progress and that's what it always will be.
I'm far too fat for my liking but I don't seem to want to give up eating shit, so that's the consequence. I'm broke out of my mind but I don't want to work any harder than I am right now, so that's the consequence. Jeff drives me up the wall frequently but I love him and I love Ruby and I'm where I want to be, so that's the consequence.
I've done enough running away, enough starting over. I'm going to continue continuing. I know I'll get to where I need to go in the long run. Thanks for listening, though. I couldn't do it without you.
