I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think I can handle it. Do what? Handle what, exactly? Life. This life I'm living. After all that I've done and all that I've been through, this is fucking bullshit.
Why am I living with this man who constantly whines and complains and bitches and freaks out? Why am I so fat, with my hair falling out, my skin looking like crap, wearing fucking welfare clothes? Why am I so unhappy, crying most of the time, completely pissed off when I'm not?
What was I thinking? What stoned fucking fairy tale did I conjure up and think I could make come true? It won't. It's not. It's bullshit. It's shit.
My life is worse than ever. Every day is a struggle. Every day I have to get up and listen to him complain, and tell me how I'm hurting him. And what I'm doing wrong.
I have to live in his home with his stuff and his boohooing and his kid and his way and his everything. I am not me anymore, I am an extension of him. An extension that needs to be severed.
Don't you see how gross I am? It's disgusting. And I know it's a reflection of the life I'm living. I keep trying to fix it, I keep hoping but it's just not making a difference.
I am seriously in hell and I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know where to turn, I don't know how to fix it. And I'm scared. That I'm sacrificing my life for his.
And I'm starting to hate him.
And I'm starting to hate him.
How will I get through this alive?
