Oh fuck. I'm so over this. This... life, if that's what I'm supposed to call it. The other day I thought to myself "what the fuck is wrong with me? I strove (is that a word?) to get the job I have but it's not good enough, I worked to get the man I have and he's not good enough". What is it going to take to make me happy?
Right now I feel like I have nowhere. There is nowhere I belong, nowhere I fit. But isn't that the way I felt before? Is that was drove me to make all of these crazy changes that got me where I am right at this moment?
I feel like I'm losing all that I worked so hard for. But I can't help but wonder... were all those things I hoped for and dreamed of just pieces of my stoned brain working over time?
I don't know.
I know I'm staying where I am. There is no quick fix. There is no turning back and there is no running away. Maybe some day I'll get there. Wherever 'there' is. Maybe someday I'll be the person I want to be and live the life I want to live. But it's not now. And, quite frankly, I'm really fucking sick of trying.
I think he's rubbing off on me.
And I don't think that's a good thing.
Piece out, whore.
