Maybe what I've been wanting to express but couldn't find the words is this:
No, I don't want to go. But I will if I need to. If I feel pressured to be someone I'm not, if I'm expected to be perfect and to take all the blame. If I always have to be the strong one who is expected to wait in the wings until the next crisis. If I have to defend myself day in and day out, against something I would never even consider doing. If I feel I have given everything I'm able to give without success or progress, then yes, I will leave.
I want this to work. I really really want it to work. But I'm not going to close my eyes and pretend. I don't want to pretend that it's okay that you live your life without purpose. That you won't even pretend there's a future for you. Maybe I should be upfront and tell you everything I'm thinking and feeling. But I am sure that would come back to bite me in the ass. I am caught. Stuck. At your mercy. And things need to change - one way or another.
