I don't understand you. You think you're so damn intelligent and I'm not denying that you have some smarts but in some ways you are downright stupid. Did you really think I would keep doing everything for you and not expect something in return, even the slightest gratitude? Do you honestly feel that turning into a basket case because I don't reply to a text but then ignoring me when you know I'm not out doing whatever it is that you think a whore like me does when you're not home is going to make me love you more? Is waking me up at 8am on fucking Sunday fucking morning to tell me I don't love you and I'm probably in love with someone else and asking if I am I going to leave you is really the way to make me want to stay? Do you think that not touching me, not letting me touch you, denying the fact that you don't touch me and then still not fucking touching me is what I'm looking for from you? You think I don't want that more than some fucking Valentine's gift? You live in some fucked up world in your head that has completely different rules that I don't understand but I'm supposed to figure it out myself and be the perfect woman at all times? Fuck you.
***
You know what, me? I think it is me. Last night I was wondering if maybe the reason I keep ending up with men like this is because I'm doing something wrong. And I am. I'm getting sucked in by words and bullshit and when I'm left here with my heart dangling off my sleeve by a thread I snip it and walk away. I so fucking want to walk away right now. When he gets on like this it drives me out of my fucking mind. But I'm not going anywhere today. I'm sticking this out for a while longer, if only because I don't have much of an alternative.
Goddammit, I can't believe I fucking did this to myself again. This is the last time, I'm telling you. The last time. The next man is going to give me some fucking respect and consideration and not be such a damn dick all the time. But he also won't be a wimpy sap. Something in between, I just want something in between.
