Harder than hard

This is so fucking hard. I mean, I knew it would be but actually going through it is a whole lot different than imagining the concept of it. No money, no car, no means to prepare or store healthy food. Shit everywhere, a man that is distant and confrontational at best. No fucking job, no fucking life. 

I know it will get better. I don't doubt it for a second. That doesn't make going through this part much easier, though. 

And my head hurts from banging it on Julie's aunt's car yesterday. And I am losing my mind.